Hey

It's gone.  Here's why:

1.  Am mortified by the idea of friends coming online to check out my blog and being confronted by the sorts of things we've seen on the front page recently.  I notice this morning we have moved past anal torture and onto paedophillia. 

2.  It makes me slightly queasy to think of pictures of my little puppy or stories about my pregnancy sharing platform space with such nastiness.

3.  I just don't feel that 20six is an appropriate forum to publish details of my personal life any more.

Don't know where I'm going yet.  Will let anyone interested know what I decide.  May even end up back here, but as things currently stand I doubt it.

Pip pip, it's been bloody good fun.

N x

Apparently the hormones are causing a taste bypass.  I'm sure I used to find 'amusing slogan' baby clothes the ultimate in naffness.   Want want want.

"Your mother cooks socks in Hull"

Harrr.

Just one of the many t-shirts I won't be buying for Splog-Nephew for his birthday, but one that made me laugh a lot.

Unlike this one, which just made me uneasy:

Can you say "tasteless"?

My Dad.

Norah:  Someone bought Mr Splog an iron for his birthday.
Pa:  Really?  That's a bit odd isn't it?
Norah:  I thought so.  But it's a very nice iron.  Much better than our old iron.
Pa:  Well yes, it will come in useful. 
Norah:  Yup.  Irons are... useful.
Pa:  Still.  Bloody odd to give a chap an iron for his birthday.
Norah:  It's not your standard birthday fare.
Pa:  I mean... it's more of a present for you, isn't it.

Have you ever had one of those conversations where you just know that you are right and the entire rest of the world is plain wrong wrong wrong?  And you labour on in the vague hope that there's been some silly misunderstanding?  And you don't want to get cross because it seems highly likely that you are being secretly filmed and that any moment now Jeremy Beadle is going to leap out in a bad ginger wig and give you a Gotcha?fficeffice" />

It began...

Well Meaning Family Member:  So have you decided who you're going to ask to be Godparents yet?
Norah:  Uhhh... well.... no...
WMFM:  Well there's plenty of time!  I expect you've got an idea though?
Norah:  Umm.  Not really.
WMFM:  No?  Well I'm sure you'll think of someone right for the job soon enough!
Norah:  Well... no, I don't think so.
WMFM:  No?  Why not?
Norah:  Well mainly because we won't be getting the child christened.

** Stunned, horrified silence.  The band stopped playing.  The clouds rolled dark.  A wolf howled**

Norah:  Umm... I think you misheard me there, I said "because we won't be getting the child christened", not "because we won't be allowing the child access to food, warmth and oxygen"  Ha ha.

** Minutes ticked by.  Cake forks were frozen midway between plate and mouth.  All eyes on me**

WMFM:  But... but... why?  What possibly reason do you have for not getting the child christened?

Now my reason is a simple one, but I was fairly confident it was a stonker.  I pulled the ace from my sleeve, sure that it would clear up this unfortunate intrusion into family teatime and that we could all get back to The Naffness Of Customised Christmas Cards and other important matters:

Norah:  My reason for not getting my child christened is that *drumroll*  I'm not a Christian.

The atmosphere immediately lightened.  People breathed sighs of relief.  Phew!  Cleared up that little misunderstanding!

WMFM:  Oh is that all?  Ha ha.
Norah:  Well, yes!  Ha ha.
WMFM:  That's your reason?  Ha ha.
Norah:  Pretty much is!  Ha ha.
WMFM:  That's all it is?  Ha ha.
Norah:  Won't be getting it circumcised or buying it a prayer mat either!  Ha ha.
WMFM:  Because if that's all it is... you still have to get the child christened.
Norah:  Or sending it on Walkabout or... I'm sorry what?
WMFM:  You just get the child christened.  It's what you do.  It's what everyone does.  It's not a big deal.  I'm sure you were christened?
Norah:  Well I was, but...
WMFM:  There you are then!  You are a Christian!  So you can get the child christened!

Ahhh... I see the misunderstanding.  Let me just clear this one up and I'm sure we'll be fine:

Norah:  No, you see, when I said I wasn't a Christian, what I meant was that I don't believe in God.
WMFM:  Come again?
Norah:  Gosh, this is a bit awkward really and not something I tend to go into unless forced by pushy people trying to ram their ideology down my child's throat, but here's the thing:  God:  don't believe in him.  Never go to church.  Never say the Lord's Prayer.  Never pray.  Not even those secret little prayers that people who aren't really religious offer up when things are looking bad.  Father, Son, Holy Ghost, Heaven, Hell, Virgin Mary... don't believe any of it to be true.  I have no issues with anyone who does believe it to be true, I just... well... don't.

*Another difficult silence*

Well, it's not the easiest thing to talk about, but I did feel rather forced into it.  Hopefully we're sorted now.  Sorry everyone.  Raging heathen in your midst.  Would anyone like another piece of cake?

WMFM:  But Norah, you're rather missing the point.
Norah:  I am?  Oh thank goodness!  It's a misunderstanding!  For a minute there I thought that you were advocating putting my child through a ceremony of a faith that I don't subscribe to on the grounds that it was the done thing!  Ha ha.
WMFM:  Yes... you're just inflicting your silly little rebellion on your child now.
Norah:  Zwhu?
WMFM:  It's like your ridiculous insistence on not getting married.  You seem to randomly pick a non-existent battle with the system and the only person you're actually inconveniencing is yourself.  Only now you're going to be a parent and being a parent is not about being selfish.  Your child will be at a disadvantage if you don't get it christened, so as a parent you just have to climb down off your high horse and get it christened.  It's really no big deal!
Everyone else in the room:  It's really no big deal Norah.  Everyone gets christened.  It's just something you do.
Norah:  Zbwhu?  And, also... hfluh?

*Norah takes a moment to pick her chin up off the floor*

What Norah meant to say:  Now hang on a cotton pickin minute here!  Firstly, I think you are all very wrong about it not being a big deal.  I think that as a non-believer, to stand in a church and spout lies about bringing up the child "in the sight of God" is the most hypocritical and immoral thing ever.  Just because I don't believe in it all doesn't mean that I have no respect for those who do, and I would consider it insulting to Christians to use their religion in such a deliberate way.  And secondly - HOW is the child disadvantaged by not being christened?

And here we have it,  According to EVERYONE IN THE ROOM, reasons why my child would apparently be disadvantaged if it weren't christened:

1.  If it were to die, God wouldn't let it into heaven.

Did I mention the whole 'not believing it to be true' stuff?  Without meaning to be unnecessarily flip about something that I know is a serious thing for many people, you might as well ask me to dance around a toadstool so the fairies at the bottom of the garden don't send the wicked gnomes to come and steal the baby's soul away.  I'm just gonna take that risk.

And is it too provocative to say that a mean old God who punishes a little baby for something its parents didn't do isn't the kind of guy I want to worship anyway?

2.  Everybody gets their children christened.

Everybody except the millions of people worldwide who aren't Christian you mean?

3.  It's nice for a child to have godparents.

Also it would be nice to have all my family and friends pin money to my dress should Mr S and I ever get married, but as we're not Jewish, we won't be doing that either.

4.  What if you end up living in an area where the best school is a Christian school?

Oh well I'd definitely compromise my beliefs if there was something in it for me.  I only live my life according to a personal code of morals and values because it's easy.

--------------------------------------

It ended with a tight-lipped change of subject and an unspoken agreement not to ever speak of it again.

The family all think I'm just picking a fight for the sake of it. 

I think they're all up the frickin wazoo and what really gets my goat is that not one of them have been to church bar weddings, funerals and, yes, christenings, in living memory.  I'm only not wanting to use a religion, and they're coming off all holier than thou!

I have tried to tell myself that in a situation where EVERYONE ELSE thinks one thing and I think something else, odds are I've got it wrong somewhere and need to re-evaluate my views, but on this occasion I've got to stick to my guns. 

--------------------------------
Normal service, stick figure drawings and tales of puppy poo will resume shortly.

Last night, Dolly spent the night in kennels. 

It was hideously traumatic dropping her off; there was pitiful whining and crying, and when it became apparent that we were about to leave without her there were full-body hurls at the wall of her pen accompanied by abject howling.

Eventually though, they were able to distract me with a biscuit and Mr Splog managed to get me to the car.  The tears had more or less dried by Birmingham.

Dolly was absolutely fine about the whole thing.